Tuesday, May 12, 2009

There's a Monster in the Closet - A rant by Milly herself!

One of my two legged mommy’s friends has a blog. This lady is very nice. Her name is Tina, and sometimes on her blog she lets her friend Annie write entries. I asked mommy if I could write an entry, because there has been something on my mind lately.

There is a monster in the closet that mommy knows I am terrified of. This monster is named Vaccum, and it is VERY scary! I have a lot of trouble talking about Vacuum the monster, but I think I’ve found something even more frightening. I must vent.

Mommy has a bicycle, and she likes to ride it. Sometimes she rides it on a stand in the living room, and I think this is just great fun because I try to lick her feet as the whirl round-and-round. Mommy doesn’t think this is very fun, but I do. Well, Mommy has not been riding bicycle lately, but I’ve heard her talk about wanting to start riding again. So over the weekend Mommy and Bill decided to pump the tires on their bicycles.

HOLY GUACAMOLE! You think Vacuum monster is scary – look out! This thing called bicycle pump looks un-intimidating, kind of like a miniature coat rack, but then when the humans attach it to the bicycle it makes alien noises! I want to head for the hills when I see bicycle pump, and once I’ve heard it making its whirring noises as wind gushes into the tires I head for the basement door, only problem is I don’t know how to open it. Mommy gets up to comfort me with treats, and tries to coax me to come over to bicycle and I start to feel safe again, but not for long…

Just when I think the excitement is over the bicycle tire starts to leak air, and once again the pump alien comes out. I hear talk of tires, but I don’t want to hurt Mommy’s feelings, because she’s been talking about bicycling with me, and I really want to try that. Just then the alien pump starts making the noises! I race for Mommy’s bedroom and hide behind the bed… safety! Mommy walks up to me, treats in hand again, and tells me, “Be brave my little Princess Milly, just lay with me and I’ll rub your belly.” She moves her hands through my coat, and tells me how much she loves me, and calls me her pretty girl (which I know I am), and the distraction is comforting and takes my mind off of the potential alien invasion brewing in the living room. But then I hear it again! Alien invasion! Mommy can’t hear it (humans must have bad ears), but I hear it all the way down the hall, in the bedroom, lying behind the bed. Immediately I tense up, while lying down my tail goes between my legs, and I stand up nervously. I race out the bedroom door, whiz past the alien pump, and start poking my nose on the back door, but it won’t open. Mommy comes up and pats me on the head and says, “Come on Milly, this way, I’ll take you outside.” All I can think is you took long enough, and my ears are really hurting from the alien pump invasion noises.

I’m not mad at Mommy or Bill, but for all you doggies out there watch out for the alien bicycle pump, it is more terrifying than the monster that lives in the closet. I now know from now on wheeling the bicycle through the living room means GET OUT FAST, because an alien invasion is imminent!

Thanks for letting me vent, and I hope you enjoyed reading a post from me, Marvelous Milly!


  1. I just did an enthusiastic reading of this to George, Mabry, and Herbie. George and Mabry were highly entertained. We don't have bikes, so the alien pump is one less thing for Mabry to be afraid of; however, she is terrified of vacuum cleaners, brooms, and trashbags.

    Thanks for sharing, Millington!

  2. and by the way, i am going to email you some links to this AMAZING thing i saw on oprah today while i was getting my nails done. i'm going to have to recommend that you blog about this!

  3. you have an award waiting for you on my blog